Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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