Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
