i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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