things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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