i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
