Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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