just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
