Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
