Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
