I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
