God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
