how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
