My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize