You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
