Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
