Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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