I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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