Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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