i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
