Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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