he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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