Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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