I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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