that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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