and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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