I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
