I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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