We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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