Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
