She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just blew my weed a kiss
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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