Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate all girls vehemently.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
