I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just had sex on a roof
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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