if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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