If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
