i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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