this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
