As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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