And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
