She's JV to your varsity
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
