He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
