Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
