So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
