dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
