Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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