He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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