I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
