Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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