this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
