That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
