The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
