Sry I called you an 8
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
