I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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