Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize