i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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