I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
