If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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