Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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