somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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