it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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