trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
