my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
