The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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