there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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